Record breaking

3 weeks total spending less than RM50

Tips
Smoke mum’s cig
Eat at home
Watch tv
Only go out when your friends ask you to, and let them know you have NO MONEY. If they still insist, then you can be a cheapskate and go. If not you can reject.

Outings
Uncountable

Results
I’m a total cheap skate.

Confession
Thanks for being there for me even though im going through a fucking bad time. This time around i really do see my true friends, thanks again and i appreciated all the outings.

Timetable

Life sucks

Things monks should NOT do

My blog feels so dull in so many ways, I keep talking about all the uphappy stuff and shits like that. It’s been quite a while since I last update. Thinking about whether I should or I should not update was really tough, I just got back and I don’t really have the time to do so but anyway I know ill have to do it anyhow because this part of my life seems somewhat really important to me. There’s really too much to write about and even I do not know where to start. Ill probably make it real short because I already have a diary which I can keep track on my past events, which defeats the whole purpose of this blog.

Before I even became a monk, the first thing I did was, to get my tattoo, and yeah I got it in a week in Haddyai. It was fucking painful to the max, thinking why the hell I got myself into this mess. They didn’t use the machine to poke me but use this freaking long needle to poke. Well I guess its life experience too.

I told myself once will be enough, but somehow I realized, its not, I needed 2 because it didn’t turn out as nice as I though and needed touch up. Now I have done it twice, and yet I still think it’s not enough, I want more; I want to put in colours as well. Shit this is total greed. Anyway, ill need to explain the different journey in my monkhood as to not to confuse you. I was a city monk and then I disrobed to be a forest monk which was a freaking good choice.

Dam, this seems so wrong but don worry, im allowed to.

Even the king was wearing sunglasses when he was a monk.

and another famous monk in thailand called Luang Phor Koon is also smoking. So its not wrong!
I'm a city boy, i need the internet.

Give me a break, i need to eat too.

To Mummy

Mum, i know, i just know, i know this life i wont be able to repay what you have done for me, i know saying thank you is not enough, i know, because you have been the greatest mum in the whole wide world. You sacrificed over and over immensly for the mistakes i make, you have been a shield that blocks all the pain that was meant to inflict me, but instead you suffer silently, not letting me know because you are worried that i would worry. I know i have caused much pain towards you. I deeply regret all my actions, I promise, I promise ill be good, ill learn, ill be strong, ill be the aki you always wanted me to be, Thank you for being patient, thank you for not giving up on me, thank you for everything. Loving you with all my heart.

Here i am, turning life upside down from what it used to be. Chasing life backwards, learning from the very begginning, to step up again. I'm not afraid anymore, I'm already used to the pain. I have fallen so hard, so hard to the extend that i thought there was no way out, thinking that the only way was death, i was lucky, i cheated death several times. Seriously, I'm immune to this pain now, im slowly getting use to it, learning how to adapt to it, so don worry mummy, its going to be easy this time around. Trust me, i will be stronger than before.

Flashing Back

"Aki, make sure you be a good boy and study hard so next time you can find money easily ok?" These were the words that were whispered into my ears since i was small by my grandmother.

Even my mother had always been using a begger as an example, "Son, you won't want to be him next time right? So you better study hard if not next time you will become like him"

All my life i have been told to be successful you will have to make alot of money, to be happy, you have to make alot of money. It's not just told by my family, but even by my friends. I have been chasing life this way all the time, with the perception that money equals to happiness, the more money you make, the happier you get. I never question this statement ever before because it seems like a fact to me. Being brought up in one of the worst ares in town, with gangsters everywhere, with drug addicts everywhere, with prostitutes everywhere, I guess i was bound to screw up somehow. Well, I do agree that it really depends on the person too, whether you have strong dertermintations and all etc. But to be honest, I didn't, I wasn't the brightest student when i was in high school, instead i was one of the worst students. With skipping school to smoking in school uniform to dating at a very young age and not doing homework and all. Well, just imagine putting me in an environment where people are ten times much naughtier than me, till then, what will i become?

Yes, I totally admit, I screw up big time. I was so into drugs, so into money, so into girls, so into gambling to the extend that i can sacrifice whatever cost in order to obtain this few things. I told myself ill have to be truthful in this blog, the reason i name it transparency is for this reason. I use to hide things like this, never wanting people to know the dark side of me. I guess it was normal, i mean who would want to look bad? I still remember i was so afraid of letting people know where i stay when i first shifted to Jalan Alor. I was afraid that my friends will look down on me, i was afraid of letting people know my parents was getting poor, i wanted everything not to change, like how i was when i was young, i wanted everything to be the same, but never expecting things to change so dramatically. I used to be a lucky kid, staying with my whole family in a nice 14 room bangalow. Enjoying my little high school life when suddenly there was this dramatic change. As i remembered, it was so sudden, everything was so sudden, from sitting in my room, suddenly mummy comes in banging the door, suddenly asking us to shift out, suddently telling me that we have to leave. We wernt even given a day's notice and yet there it goes, we have to god dam bloody change our environment again. After that day, i know life wont be that easy anymore, i know theres more to come, i just know. Soon after we shifted out, we stayed in numerous places, like Sri Hartamas to Jalan Alor to Sri petaling again then back to Kota Damansara then back to Alor again. Once i was getting comfortable in a certain environment, i dont know why, i have to move on again. Its like god was playing a trick with me. It was already normal for me as a kid to quickly learn how to adapt to any environment i was in. As time passed, I realised that letting people know the truth would be much better than hidding them away, this i paid a high price for this lesson. After going thru all this jack shit, now i know, money does not equal to any happiness, seriously, because even now when im dead poor, i have my happy moments too. So don't be afraid to admit that you are poor, because being rich does not nessary give you happiness.

This wasnt it, the worst part of my life is yet to be mentioned. To summarised all the worst part of my life in a short sentence would be, It's not worth remembering and to mention about.

Reversing Life, A monk's Life

Everything has been so sudden, so sudden to the extend that i can barely catch up with my own mind to what is really happening in my life. Some who already know me knows what is really happening, those who do not, here i am to really confess myself.

It was on February 14th (Valentines Day), when i still can clearly remember the aches i have on both of my legs. It was due to severe punishment as I truly deserve them. To sum up all my wrongdoings, i definitely have to admit its because of drug addiction. I have been trying all means, all ways to quit this habit of taking Ketamine. Some people might say, "hey after all its just a drug, how hard is it to quit?" to tell you honestly, its not an easy journey.

The pain was so terrible that it will never been forgotten. It's not just the pain on my legs, its the pain of leaving, the pain of being afraid, the pain of being alone, the pain of regret. On this day, Feb 14, is the date that i set off leaving Malaysia to Thailand and be ordinated as a monk. The main aim of this is obvious. I need a new environment, i need some room to breath, i need some peace alone, i need to quit this habit. The journey on the bus was upsetting. Making few last calls to few of my best friends as it was way too sudden to leave just like that. I have never expected to leave in such a hurry. Nevertheless, I'm used to it. It's always been this way even during childhood. I have already experience dramatic changes in my life, I'm seriously very used to it. I know i can adapt, i know i will survive somehow, i know its not going to be hard, because harder moments were there before.

Here i am now, after 3 months being in an absolute strange country all by myself. Hearing a brand new language, seeing different culture, having a complete new livelihood. I have to admit, I'm good at adapting to new environments quickly, this was due to my childhood experiences.

Where is this place? Why am i here? How long will i be here for? When can I go home? these are the questions that pops out of my mind every moment when i first arrive. I keep asking this few questions over and over again hoping that the answer will just appear.

This experience, this very experience is something that is worth remembering all my life. Something that is so important, something that i treasure, something that is really worth the time. From the very beginning, the aim was to quit drugs, i made it, 3 months clean, glad about it, i feel happy about it, and most of all i feel proud to admit all this wrongdoings. Its not easy for someone to admit this publicly, but trust me, the truth will always be better than hiding things away. After 3 months of what i have been experiencing, its not enough, i need more time, i want more time, i want to explore more. This is just the very surface of what i have experienced. When i have proper time, ill go in depth with my daily lifestyle as a monk and what i have seriously been experiencing the past 3 months. The places i have visited, the people i have encounter, the moment of thoughts that was so scary that leaves me in tears, the moments of striving hard to understand Thai, the moment of learning how to chant. and the moment of happiness.

Malaysia BOLEH!

Recently i was travelling in Vietnam and i met alot of people and normally people would ask me where am I from. I would proudly say,
"I'm from Malaysia"
The respond i normally get is
"Where?"
I would then repeat again
"Malaysia"
Their reaction would be either too shy to ask again or they would say
"Where is that?"
To describe where malaysia is, ill always have to say,
"Do you know where Singapore is?"
The reaction would be
"YES!"
Then i'll have to say,
"Do you know where Thailand is?"
They will say
"Yes"
Sadly enough,
"Yes, Malaysia is between Thailand and Singapore"

I was seriously pretty upset, nevertheless, people do not know where our country is does not really matter. It's not really so important to me. The best part was when i was in Vietnam to do some travelling and I totally spend all my Dong and my USD. All i had left was Malaysian Ringgit. I headed to the foreign exchange and guess what? Amazingly, there were no banks that would accept our currency. At that point, i really felt, so ...lost of word to say. Luckily, i met a bunch of Malaysians over there and they were kind enough to accept my Malaysian Ringgit so that i would not starve to death in Vietnam.

Ok, fair enough, even though people do not know where my country is and other countries does not accept our currency, its still fine with me. Happily coming back from my lovely trip, i was heading home to my lovely home and to my surprise, my street name has been changed. It used to be called "Jalan Alor" and now they have renamed it to "Jalan Kejora".

This is so amazing, Now i really wonder where I'm actually staying. Just merely away from home for about 10 days, My street name can be changed. My IC has the address that is called Jalan Alor, My passport has the address with Jalan Alor, All my friends knows i stay in Jalan Alor but now I will have to tell them

"Hey, I dont longer stay in Jalan Alor because the City Hall wants me to stay in Venus (Jalan Kejora)"

Did they even consider anything at all before they do anything or is it because they do not have any brains to think about what consequences there would be? Might as well just change our country's name to Pluto so that people actually know where that is. Things that need to be change will never be changed and things that are not meant to change will change. We the Rakyat want CHANGE, but not this kind of CHANGE.

I have to say it once more, Malaysia Boleh!